Reflection #2
Thankful for an Open and Affirming Congregation

(c. 12/2006)

Over a year ago, while chairing a church board meeting, I slammed my fist on the table and, in tears, shouted my disgust. Then I stumbled out of the room, found the front door of the church, and wondering what had happened to my ‘normal’ careful and quiet disposition, circled the church with a mood of frustration and disbelief. Within a few minutes, Cheryl, the vice-chair was walking beside me and, saying nothing, assured me of her presence and support.

What had happened? In September 2005, in a congregational business meeting, the congregation had supported, after what seemed to me like endless discernment and discussion, by an 80% vote, a resolution to become inclusive for gays and lesbians. And then, in this later board meeting when I walked out, it felt to me like there were still a few who wanted to skirt the issue by finding yet more processes to go through before we could really confirm our congregational action. I had waited, not very patiently, long enough, and when more painfully slow questions of process came up, I blew.

Now, over a year later, to my pleasant surprise, I sense in myself a remarkable change. There is a certain stillness of spirit, a lessening of that internal anger that has been within for so many years. I find it difficult to name, but now I feel, to a much larger degree, that I belong in this congregation. (Yes, others have often said that they love me and accept me, but I was having a difficult time accepting their support.) The congregation, for a number of reasons, did not wish to say publicly that they were an open and affirming congregation. Part of the reason for the change in my spirit comes from the fact that recently the congregation, in a 42 to 2 vote, agreed to become public as an open and affirming congregation. The openness would be with the district, the denomination and the community. These past months I could see it coming and my spirit has been lifting. I feel that there is acceptance, understanding, and, for the most part, non-judging, unequivocal love. Many members, though not all, have come to share as much as they can the recognition that distancing and disenfranchising is painful, hurtful, and wrong.

Perhaps my feelings of peace come from the fact that the congregation, despite the chaos of the culture, has, by its willingness to define justice, confirmed my sense or desire that we are “getting there.” Carol Wise has often said that we are ‘getting there” --- “there” being a sense of equality and inclusiveness in the culture and in the church.

Why do I write this at this time? I am thankful. Yes, it is because the congregation has come to the place where it can willingly state its openness. But, in addition, this congregation is now a safe place for me and for other gays and lesbians. I know and feel that acceptance and affirmation, unstated publicly, does not feel like acceptance and affirmation. In fact, I believe that silence about this issue actually contributes to injustice.

Why this particular reflection? From my own experience and that of Becky Krep’s (attached document) and many others – it is a god-send to be a part of a congregation that is willing, not only to accept gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered persons, but also is willing to let the church and community know. I hope that many of you will continue to encourage your congregation to be a publicly affirming congregation – and become participants in the Supportive Communities Network.

Ralph McFadden